Most parents, or those who are about to become parents, have big doubts about how to educate a child or daughter; since it is the most difficult task they have and the one in which most tend to make mistakes. Nobody is perfect, nor is there a single way to educate or raise a child that is superior to all others. However, there are different educational tips, techniques and approaches on socio-affective development that can guide you in giving them a good education, which is what we will talk about next.
Learn how to raise your children effectively
The first thing we can tell you is not to overdo it with their education; it's good to be as concerned as possible, but sometimes we tend to to overdo the control and the demands and we achieve the opposite results (which is what we want to avoid): traumas, intense fears, and emotional conflictsFor this reason, we will begin with some aspects that you should consider before starting (or reviewing) your children's education.
Why shouldn't you worry or overexert yourself?
- If you try too hard, you won't prevent them from experiencing trauma or disorders. Furthermore, the constant fear of this happening can actually lead to them developing the same problems. rigid, authoritarian, or overprotective behaviors which, paradoxically, increase the risk of those consequences. Despite the great social emphasis placed on parenthood (known as parenting (in English), emotional and behavioral problems haven't disappeared; therefore, miracle cures don't exist. However, the advice we'll give you later will help you reduce the chances of harm and enhance their well-being.
- According to many studies, being extremely perfectionistic or overly worried when raising a child doesn't necessarily improve their behavioral and mental health. Keep in mind that parenting is like medicine: it requires a... an appropriate dose of attention, rules, and affection to achieve good results, but if you increase it excessively you will also be increasing the side effects and complications (anxiety, guilt, insecurity, dependence).
- It's counterproductive to monitor every aspect of our children's lives, especially when they're in more advanced stages like pre-adolescence and adolescence. If you try too hard to raise them, attempting to decide everything for them, you won't be able to change their essence. All children are different and don't have the same tastes, so if they don't like sports or piano lessons, don't worry. It's preferable support their real interests than forcing hobbies that only meet our expectations.
- On the other hand, if parenting isn't what you'd hoped for, it doesn't mean it's your fault. A child's personality, environment, friends, school, and life experiences all play a significant role. Your role is... to offer a safe, respectful and consistent environment, not guaranteeing a perfect result.
What are the most common mistakes when educating a daughter or son?
As we mentioned earlier, every parenting process involves mistakes, and you're not immune to them when raising a child, since you're not perfect. Below, we'll show you some of them. Most frequent mistakes parents make so that you can consciously work on them.
- Failing to recognize their positive aspects is a major mistake. Sometimes we only pay attention to their flaws or weaknesses in order to correct them, neglecting their virtues. This is a big problem, since we must also focus on recognize and reinforce their strengths and try to help them make the most of it. Specific and sincere praise builds self-esteem.
- One of the most common problems is not listening to the child. Sometimes we think that, because they are young, they don't have the right to express themselves or give their opinion. However, actively listen Understanding their feelings and thoughts is fundamental to good manners. You should let them express themselves and tell you everything they think or feel, listening patiently without ridiculing or belittling them.
- Another of the most common problems is not respecting their personalityWe often think we can mold them in our own image, making them resemble their sibling, the neighbor's child, and so on. However, each child is unique, with their own personality, pace, and way of relating to the world. The educational task involves... accompany that individualitynot by deleting it.
- Not communicate This is one of the biggest mistakes, since it will be harder for them to open up during stages like adolescence or in difficult situations that could have negative consequences. You need to talk to him and make sure he feels comfortable talking to you, without fear of being judged or scolded for everything.
There are other faults such as overprotection, comparison, excessive indulgence and many more; but we prefer to address each topic more comprehensively in the Tips for raising a son or daughter which we will show you below, also integrating what child psychology and positive discipline contribute.
Tips on how to raise a child
Lead by example
Sometimes we think that simply lecturing is enough to make our children learn. However, nothing is as effective as... lead by exampleChildren begin developing their sense of self from a very young age, observing their parents. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your daily reactions have more impact than any speech.
If you want your child to learn to greet properly, not to swear, to respect table manners, to understand responsibilities, or even to respect traffic laws (for older children), among other things, then you must do it yourself. When you yourself demonstrate respect, cordiality, honesty and self-controlThey internalize these qualities as something natural.
Similarly, if you resort to yelling, violence, or humiliation, the message they absorb is that this is a valid way to resolve conflicts. Children learn through so-called mirror neuronsChildren imitate what they see, not what they are told to do. Always ask yourself: "Is this how I want my child to act when they are angry or when they have a problem?"
It serves as a model in simple, everyday things: apologizing when you're wrong, thanking people for small gestures, speaking respectfully to others, handling frustration calmly. Every gesture is a silent lesson that will be etched in their minds.
Communication is a fundamental pillar
We already mentioned this as one of the biggest mistakes. Communication is the foundation of any relationship, whether it's between parent and child, couples, or friends. Raising a child "because I say so" might work in the short term, but it erodes trust and hinders the child's development. independent judgment and dialogue skills.
Therefore, we recommend the following:
- Talk to him and be expressiveBeing able to see each other's expressions is a great way to understand how someone feels in different situations. This way, you can tell when they're having a problem, if something is bothering them, and so on. Eye contact and physical closeness (getting down to their level, touching their shoulder) promote more secure communication.
- Never stop communicating, even as he grows older. Depending on his personality, he might become a little more withdrawn when he starts going through tougher times; but if you're always there for him, it's probably just a temporary phase. Keep everyday conversation spaces (while eating, before going to sleep, when returning from school) without mobile phones or screens.
- Ask him what he thinks about a topic or what his opinion is. You'll be valuing his thoughts and encouraging him to express them. Avoid yes-or-no questions; use Open questions such as "What was the best part of your day?" or "What do you think about what happened in class?"
- Learn to listen. Communication isn't just about you talking to him; it's about both of you talking. Listen without interrupting, ridiculing, or rushing to offer solutions. Sometimes your child just needs... to feel understood and validated.
- When there is a conflict, describe the problem, express how you feel, and work together to find solutionsThis teaches your child to reason, negotiate, and take responsibility, instead of obeying simply out of fear of punishment.
Set limits
There are limits in every environment, as well as in specific situations. You must teach your child what those limits are so they can adjust their behavior depending on the place and circumstance. Far from being a negative thing, clear and consistent limits benefit children. security, structure and reference.
- You will need to explain to him how the Reactions and feelings are connected to their actionsand also help him avoid letting that connection lead to him crossing boundaries. We don't want him screaming and throwing a tantrum when you or a teacher scolds him for something he's done wrong, for example. Talking about emotions ("I understand you're angry") without justifying unacceptable behavior ("but it's not okay to hit when you're angry") is key.
- When learning how to raise a child, you also have to teach you the consequences of your actionsFor example, not cleaning up after playing or not doing homework. Consequences should be related to the behavior (if they break something carelessly, they should help fix it or pay for it), and should be proportionate and explained beforehand whenever possible.
- You can involve them in establishing some household rules or norms. For example, choosing which chores they'll help with or setting a snack time. Children who participate in decision-making are more motivated to fulfill what has been agreed and they feel respected.
- Avoid inconsistency: you can't punish a behavior one day and ignore it the next. Being consistent doesn't mean being inflexible, but it does mean the child knows... what to expect from you when it crosses a boundary.
- Don't confuse boundaries with authoritarianism. You can say "no" with kindness and firmness at the same timeWithout yelling or humiliation. This is one of the pillars of positive discipline.
Allow it to be wrong
We've all made mistakes and failed. The problem is that we often think we can protect our children from failure by forbidding them from doing certain things or solving their problems for them. However, this is impossible and, moreover, it hinders their ability to learn. make decisions and accept the consequences.
The idea is that they can learn through trial and error, but knowing they have your support. When a child makes a mistake and receives a respectful supportHe learns much more than when he only receives a punishment or a lecture.
On the other hand, in this case, when raising a child, we can make them the fall will be less hard Sometimes. By giving them advice on how to handle a situation, pointing out that there might be consequences, among other things. When they fail, they'll know you were right and, although they might not admit it, they'll pay more attention to the advice you give them in the future.
We recommend that you do not attack with negative comments to try to prevent him from failing, because if he fails, he may carry this attitude over to various aspects of his life: fear of making mistakes, low self-esteem, and paralyzing perfectionismPhrases like "you always do it wrong," "you're a disaster," or "you never learn" deeply damage their self-image. Instead, you can say, "This time it didn't go well, what could you do differently next time?"
Encourage him and do not compare him with others
We've already mentioned that a big mistake is attacking their negative points or weaknesses; that would be practically the same as comparing them to others, like their sibling, the neighbor's child, or you when you were their age. Every child is different and has their own abilities, so try to motivate a child to develop his potential and help him with any difficulties he may have; the latter does not mean that you do everything for him, but that you provide him with the necessary tools and support.
- Don't use comparison phrases like 'you are just like the son of (such a movie, where it is seen that he is spoiled and ungrateful)"Or 'Look at your sister, she behaves well.' These phrases not only fail to motivate, but they also..." They generate resentment and rivalry between siblings or classmates and reinforce the Pygmalion effect.
- Avoid generalizing at all costs. If the children in his class can handle a task and yours can't, perhaps that subject is a weak point (this usually happens in sports or math); therefore, you could take more effective actions, such as enrolling him in tutoring or dedicating more time to fun practice at home. However, remember to approach everything positively, focusing on his progress. effort and progress and not only in the result.
Recognize that you can also be wrong
Perhaps you shouldn't have scolded him for doing something or yelled at him one day when you were stressed. When raising a child, they also help us raise ourselves. For that reason, you must learn to Acknowledge your mistakes and apologize when necessary.
This will not only make him feel better (since he was right that you shouldn't have yelled at him, for example); but he will also learn that we all make mistakes and can correct them, which will be of great help to him throughout his life. You teach him, in practice, that Making a mistake doesn't make you a bad person.And that the important thing is to repair the damage, learn, and try again.
Furthermore, when you respect yourself and take care of your own emotional health (by seeking support, resting, and setting your own boundaries), you're also sending him a powerful message: it's healthy for him to do the same. Take care of yourself, respect yourself, and ask for help. when you need it.
Spend quality time
When we don't pass quality time With our children, they often acquire negative behaviors to get our attention. So you'll need to organize yourself in the best way possible, not only to meet their basic needs, but also to spend quality time with the.
- You need time to talk or chat about the day you both had. These simple moments of conversation strengthen the emotional bond and allow for the timely detection of problems or concerns.
- Play with him, take him to the park, have an ice cream, do crafts, or even watch a movie at home. The important thing isn't the activity itself, but that he feels your love. attentive and available presence.
- Sometimes they really need help with their homework; while in other cases, simply sitting with them in case they have any questions will make them feel good. Being there for them without doing the homework for them, but supporting the process, is a way to emotional and academic support.
- The technique known as "focused attention" can be very helpful: short periods of time when you are alone with your child, without distractions, concentrating on playing or talking with them. For the child, these exclusive minutes are worth more than hours spent together while you look at your phone or do other tasks.
There are many opportunities to spend quality time with our children, too many to list. The key is to organize your schedule to offer them as much time as possible (but without hovering over them constantly). If your work is demanding, you can explain the situation and show them that this is all the time you can offer; again, don't forget the honest communication when raising a child.
Learn to say "no" and avoid giving it your all
One of the most common problems is that we tend to fill our own childhood voids with our own children. This means that if we didn't have the best toys and everything we wanted, then we want our child to have it. Without realizing it, we can become parents who They confuse love with buying or granting everything.
- You'll have to show him the value of things and of effortIf, for example, you buy them a new phone every time they lose it or it breaks, they won't understand its true value or learn to take care of their belongings. It's better to establish clear rules ("if you lose it, you'll have to wait" or "you'll have to save part of your allowance") and stick to them.
- You can't always say YES to everything your child asks for. This attitude will lead to them becoming what's known as "spoiled." We usually do it to avoid their tantrums or bad moods; but the problem is that every time you or someone else refuses to give them or do what they ask for, they will behave negatively. It's essential that they learn to tolerate frustration I already understand that not everything is immediate.
Saying "no" lovingly but firmly isn't being harsh or cold; it's teaching them to live in a world with limits and where desires aren't always fulfilled instantly. This emotional skill will be key for their development. future well-being.
Educate with respect and positive discipline
Many parents, faced with their children's bad behavior, tantrums, or backtalk, wonder if the best option is yelling, harsh punishment, or even resorting to whippingThe idea that "a timely slap" is necessary for children to learn has long been considered normal. However, psychology and clinical experience show that this type of reaction generates fear, resentment, rebellion, or submissionbut not deep learning.
Every time we act aggressively (even if we do it "out of love" or thinking it's best for our children), the message of love doesn't get through. The child perceives pain, humiliation, or rejection, not affection. That's why positive discipline proposes to educate with firmness and kindness at the same time.
Mutual respect between parents and children
As a parent or educator, you teach firmness when you respect yourself and the situation (you don't allow yourself to be disrespected, you set boundaries, you take care of your needs) and you teach kindness when you respect the the needs and dignity of the childMutual respect is the foundation of a healthy relationship.
Disrespect isn't limited to physical violence. "Killing looks," willful ignorance, yelling, humiliating phrases like "See? I told you so," "Always the same," or constant sarcasm are equally hurtful. Ask yourself: Would you speak to your boss, your partner, or a friend like that? If the answer is no, then why say yes to your child?
We often repeat patterns because that's what we experienced as children or because "it's always been done that way." But today we have more information and tools to realize that Respect is essentialWhen you begin to be aware of this, your thoughts, emotions, and consequently your actions become geared towards respecting your child above all else, without giving up on boundaries.
When we don't respect children, no matter how much we "scold with love," they don't learn anything productive. Their thoughts and feelings veer toward rebellion, resentment, revenge, or withdrawal (submission). They feel inferior simply for living in a world of adults who, on many occasions, abuses his power.
If you want your child to respect you, you must start by respecting them first. Our children learn by imitation; no matter how much you tell them to respect you, if two minutes later you're yelling at them or insulting them, they'll remember that image, which they'll later reproduce with other people. In this way, we're unwittingly teaching them that Disrespect is a valid way of relating to others..
Understanding the real motive behind the behavior
When children misbehave in the eyes of adults, it's important to look beyond the visible behavior. Positive discipline is about "diving under the iceberg": what we see (shouting, tantrums, disobedience) is just the tip. Beneath it, there's often more. emotions, needs, or thoughts that are not being attended to.
One way to understand these behaviors is to delve into the emotion or emotions the children are feeling: Are they afraid? Do they feel displaced by the arrival of a sibling? Are they sad about a change of school? Do they feel inadequate with their tasks? Talking to them about what they feel at each moment is crucial in order to be able to to guide behavior and reach a respectful solution.
When we help a child to name what is happening inside them, we are fostering their emotional intelligenceAnd once we manage to treat our child with respect, we will be creating a safe environment for the child, which will encourage them to behave better simply because they feel better.
Effective communication and emotional validation
Everything we've discussed so far must be put into practice through good communication. Language creates realities, and to the extent that we use it respectful and clear words With our children, a multitude of opportunities will open up to educate them firmly and lovingly at the same time.
Many families feel that "my child doesn't listen to me." One of the keys to getting your child to listen to you is that Listen to him firstAnd that you validate their feelings even if you don't approve of their behavior. Instead of "don't cry, it's not that big of a deal," you can say, "I see you're very sad/angry, tell me about it." Validating isn't the same as allowing any behavior; it's acknowledging the emotion and offering them tools to manage it better.
When we listen empathetically, without judgment, we invite our children to think for themselves They can now express their feelings, instead of simply obeying or remaining silent out of fear. This will help them, over time, to make responsible decisions and assertively defend their boundaries.
Child psychology for parents: understanding to raise better children
All parents have experienced a tantrum, outburst of anger, or misbehavior from their children at some point. Even when parents have made every effort and implemented numerous strategies, children don't always behave as expected. This is where basic knowledge of child psychology becomes a great ally.
Just like adults, children also have to face certain behavior problems and difficulties: jealousy over the arrival of a sibling, the death of a loved one, family conflicts, changing schools or cities, difficulties in relating to others, etc. These situations directly affect their behavior and well-being.
Child psychology studies children's behavior from birth through adolescence, emphasizing their physical, motor, cognitive, perceptual, affective, and social development. It takes into account the influence of environment and geneticsIts main function is to prevent and resolve problems related to children's mental health, but it also offers parents basic guidelines for action for the day to day.
It is important to understand that the Childhood is not always synonymous with absolute happiness or absence of problems. Children also suffer and are involved in complex situations that must be resolved to guarantee their stability and mental health. Growing up happy, respected, and listened to is fundamental for them to have a fulfilling adult life.
When parents feel overwhelmed, guilty, or helpless, seeking help from a mental health professional can be a very positive decision. It doesn't mean they've failed as parents, but rather find tools and support to do it better.
Additional practical tips for raising your children
Integrating all of the above, we can highlight some practical keys for everyday life, based on experience and what child psychology proposes.
Observe and get to know your child
To learn about your children's preferences, tastes, and strengths, you must observe them in their daily lives. Show a genuine interest in what they do or say It will give you very valuable information about their personality, their strengths, and their areas for improvement.
Every child is unique and irreplaceable. Studying their temperament and character will allow you to act according to their real needs. A very sensitive child doesn't respond the same way to a harsh tone as a more resilient one; a very active child needs spaces to move around and unload, while another, more timid person may require more support in social situations.
Take care of the environment in which it grows
Research shows that a child's behavior and attitudes are significantly shaped by the environment in which they are raisedIt's not just about home, but also about school, the neighborhood, extracurricular activities, and the people they interact with.
Your role as a parent includes creating an environment where the child can express yourself without fearTo be heard, to make mistakes and learn. To try to reduce exposure to highly aggressive role models (constant violence on screens, insults, put-downs) and to encourage experiences that foster collaboration, empathy and curiosity.
It encourages the expression and management of emotions
Not all children can express their emotions in the same way. Some talk a lot, while others show their discomfort through their bodies (aches, tiredness, restlessness) or behavior (tantrums, defiance). It is important to help them to name what they feel and offer them healthy ways to express it.
The arts, symbolic play, drawing, music, or writing can be a good tool for channeling emotions. When your child draws something that worries them or acts out a situation, they are giving you clues about their inner world. Accompany them with respect, without forcing anything, and use it as an opportunity to talk about what's happening to him.
Ask questions that open the conversation
Instead of focusing only on closed questions ("is everything okay?", "were you good?"), introduce questions that invite your child to share your thoughts and feelingsFor example: "What was the most fun part of the day?", "Was there anything you didn't like?", "If you could change something about today, what would it be?".
These types of questions strengthen communication, help you understand him better, and teach him that his Your opinion is valuable.Avoid lengthy or judgmental questioning; the idea is to create space, not corner him.
Show empathy without abandoning boundaries
Taking your child's feelings seriously doesn't mean saying yes to everything or letting inappropriate behavior slide. You can say, "I understand you're very upset because you can't keep playing. I also find it hard to stop something I enjoy, but now it's time to go." In this way, you show them empathy towards their emotion And at the same time, you maintain the limit.
Educating in this way requires patience and consistency, but in the long run it creates children who feel respected and, therefore, more willing to respect others.
Accept your own limitations and take care of yourself
No parent is perfect. Everyone has strengths (maybe you're very loving, creative, consistent) and weaknesses (maybe you lack patience, struggle to set boundaries, or demand too much of yourself). Recognizing this allows you to set realistic expectations about yourself and your children, without living in constant guilt.
These are the best tips we can give you on how to raise a child; along with common mistakes and why you shouldn't put too much pressure on yourself. Parenting is a long journey, full of challenges, but also immense rewards: seeing your child develop their character, learn to interact with the world, make mistakes, learn from them, grow, and gradually become the best version of themselves thanks to having had a supportive and caring parent. firm, respectful and unconditional love.
